Marriage. Grandpa says:
It is always a very bad idea for men and smart/rich women as well!. “Marriage” does you no possible good & merely gets the “State” in bed with you.
”Marriage” imposes all kinds of legal obligations, duties & liens upon your property that are easily avoided by not marrying & just living together if you need 24/7 company that badly.
If your woman needs to feel “secure financially” for giving you “the best years of her life” this is easily accomplished with cash gifts, setting up a trust, buying her a property for her to move to if you break up, etc.
But marriage? Never!
A marriage without the “piece of paper” is superior in every way to the formality of marriage and all the legal baggage that comes with it. A messy divorce is the worst thing that can happen to a man.
Pre-nuptial agreements are generally ignored by Judges. The wife’s lawyers will have any such agreement nullified as “unfair.” They are always “unfair” if the wife gets less in a pre-nup agreed separation than the maximum she would get in a hostile divorce proceeding.
Normally she gets the kids, the house, the car, ½ your business, ½ your assets, and enough of your cash flow to keep it all going. In the USA anyway, she gets it tax-free and you pay the income tax on what you give to her. Is that fair?
Failing to pay a court-ordered settlement or alimony/support for the rest of your life! will land you in jail for civil contempt until you comply. Your ”marital property” i.e. almost everything you own — can & will be deeded away from you by a judge.
Without marriage, if & when the woman becomes an unbearable pain in the arse, you can just change the locks on your apartment, and move her stuff out — if she can’t or won’t do it herself. That’s it!
As a general rule, it is a good idea to move her stuff as far away as possible, preferably to the other side of the world.
Then you provide enough survival money a year’s worth? if she stays far away from you –on a drip-feed basis so she isn’t too mad at you.
A sensible woman won’t do anything to damage her income. After a year or so, her thoughts of revenge will have subsided, and she will be weaned. She will have either found a job or hopefully get another jerk to marry and support her.
Even the best strategy doesn’t always work. Maybe she is so mad at you for “cheating” or otherwise, she will try to get even for real or imaginary wrongs by inflicting maximum pain. Anyway, you can’t always keep them calm & sensible after the break-up— no matter what nice things you do & however generous you may be.
Any damage an ex-girlfriend or mistress can do, it is NOTHING compared to what a “spurned wife” can do to you–especially once she hires a man-hating, man-eating super tough lesbian lawyer on a contingent fee.
I have always felt that if I take a poor girl out of her crappy job, give her intelligent loving companionship and the great sex she craved, I should be thanked an appreciated.
Besides all that fuzzy stuff, suppose I greatly elevated her social and financial status, for as long as we were married and living together. Shouldn’t she then “owe me” if we ever break up?
Shouldn’t she pay me back! What for?
At least for the free rent, travel and all the other goodies I provided– After all what did I get? In the last part of the relationship anyway, only Bad sex and aggravation!
Of course, it is obvious, She should pay ! Yet, there isn’t a Judge in the English-speaking world who sees it that way. Their irrational view is that an ex-wife should get a court award to enjoy the same standard of living that was provided by the spouse during marriage.
Bottom line? Marriage is only for very stupid people.
Zero advantage! And a final discordant note: As long as your ex-spouse gets good dependable, court-ordered alimony, she won’t be looking for another sucker to marry and replace you. So you may well end up supporting her & her newest toy boy —forever.
The above rant was inspired by this recent news article which in my opinion, misses the most important point of all!
This is my standard signature: Please tap return & give short reaction plus ”got your message” –even if you don’t have time for a long reply.
Top five right and wrongs reasons to get married
June 04, 2009 Perth, Australia
TOO many people wed for the wrong reasons, which may explain why so many marriages fall apart despite the best efforts of those involved.
Three marital experts give the top five right reasons and top five wrong reasons to get married.
WRONG REASON NUMBER 1: Sexual attraction may not last forever.
Too many people confuse sexual attraction with love and this can lead to a short-lived marriage, explains Michele Weiner-Davis, a Colorado-based therapist and author of The Sex-Starved Marriage and The Sex-Starved
Wife. “The novelty of being with someone will turn on anyone,” she says.
When the sexual attraction wanes, if there’s no mutual trust and a joint view of the future, the marriage fades as well. Her advice is clear: sexual attraction between two people is a good thing and energises the marriage.
But if the foundation isn’t based on strong communication and shared values, the chances of a long-lasting marriage based solely on animal attraction aren’t good.
RIGHT REASON NUMBER 1: Working out differences.
Research indicates that one common theme among long-lasting marriages involves an ability to work out conflict. “All relationships have conflicts,” Davis says.
The couples that can talk out their differences, surmount the conflict and agree on a compromise last. The partners that trigger anger and resentment in one another or are unable to talk about their differences often can’t sustain a marriage.
WRONG REASON NUMBER2: Escaping the family.
Many single people feel stuck living at home. When a potential mate appears, they often leap at the opportunity to extricate themselves from their parents’ home and get engaged.
Often it doesn’t matter to them if their potential mate is a good match because of their need to separate from their parents.
“There are many ways to escape a family. Making a lifelong commitment with someone who isn’t a worthy partner isn’t the best choice,” Davis notes.
RIGHT REASON NUMBER 2: Sharing common interests.
If married couples share common interests, it engenders closeness and mutual experiences.
Experts say that couples don’t have to share all common interests, but having enough of them encourages spending time together, a key ingredient to a successful marriage.
Those commonalities can be as varied as spending time with their children, loving travel, following sports, as long as they both appreciate something together, Davis says.
WRONG REASON NUMBER 3: The infatuation syndrome.
Too many people confuse infatuation with love, suggests Barbara Bartlein, author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? Overcoming the Myths that Hinder a Happy Marriage.
Infatuation is defined as a fleeting feeling for someone, whereas love is long lasting and is based on trust and commitment. “Infatuation is instantaneous and some experts suggest can be hormonal,” Bartlein states. Love has patience whereas infatuation has a sense of urgency and often that urgency fades.
When marriages are based on infatuation, “When the zing is gone, they assume they married the wrong person and go looking again,” she adds.
RIGHT REASON NUMBER 3: Focus on what you need.
“Too many people get married for what they want instead of what they need,” Bartlein says.
For example, Bartlein herself reads many novels and would love to discuss fiction with her husband, except this genre doesn’t interest him.
Nonetheless, they have a solid marriage because she needs someone who is reliable, trustworthy, works hard. Marrying someone who meets her needs has enabled this marriage to last.
WRONG REASON NUMBER 4: Ignoring the signs of trouble.
If your mate easily gets angry with you and frequently loses control, it can be a telltale sign that problems in the marriage are right around the corner.
But many people ignore the signs. “They see signs of troubled behaviour but think it will get better when they get married,” Bartlein says.
Often if this irascible or abusive behaviour occurs during the engagement period, it will only get worse after marriage, unless the person is in counselling or therapy.
“Some people think they will fix it after they get married. Anything that is mildly annoying will be extremely annoying after you say ‘I do,”’ she says.
RIGHT REASON NUMBER 4: Talk about the future
Talking about a couple’s expectations of the future is one of the surest ways of making sure you’re both on the same page and share common values that can sustain a marriage, Davis says.
Many couples don’t talk about whether they want to have kids, where they’re going to live, whether they’ll be a one or two career household.
“Some people think things will work out magically when they get married, but that won’t happen,” she notes. The more you discuss your common visions for the future, the greater the chances the marriage will last.
WRONG REASON NUMBER 5: Keeping your blinders on.
When falling in love, too many people get blinded and don’t really get to know their mate, asserts Terri Orbuch, director of the Early Years of Marriage Project at the University of Michigan.
What really keeps people together is “their friendship, intimacy, and support,” Orbuch says. If you ask yourself, “If I lost my job or had a medical scare, who would I go to for support,” the answer might reveal the real love of your life.
RIGHT REASON NUMBER 5: Making your partner feel special.
One factor in successful marriages is making your partner feel special and worthy, particularly men, Orbuch says. Because the friendships men establish often don’t have the depth of women’s relationships, men depend more on their spouse to feel special.
When women say “I love you, you make my life exciting”, or make their mate their favourite dessert, it goes a long way to affirming their mate and contributing to a happy marriage, she says.
Post your comments, thoughts, related personal experiences, corrections or questions below.